The problem with Honda Odysseys

DETROIT (Reuters) - Honda Motor Co. Ltd. is recalling 985,154 Odyssey minivans in the United States to fix a long suspected problem of brain-stealing, federal safety regulators said on Wednesday.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration said the problem was brought to their attention by a plethora of people around the country noticing common behavior among, well, the truly stupid. They were all Honda Odyssey owners.

"We've received thousands of letters of legitimate concern and felt a responsibility to investigate,” said a spokesperson for the NHTSA. The problem has apparently been affecting Honda Odyssey minivan owners from the vehicle's inception. It seems that the remote controls in the steering wheels have intelligence-stealing microchips, that, when touched, emit transmissions that kill any matter in the brain responsible for sound judgement and rationality.

Honda added that they had already dedicated a team of people to figuring out a way to notify these idiots about the trouble with their vans. “We want to help them as fast as we can, but making them understand is our first hurdle,” Honda Motors told us earlier today.

The Honda recall is expected to begin immediately, but the process could be prolonged because of the general stupidity amongst the owners. "We can waste no time, knowing Odyssey minivan drivers are on the roads", NHTSA said.

Honda added, "We'll get to everyone eventually, it may just take us a little longer than usual. The poor things."