This post was posted in 2017 to another now retired site that was about spiritual retreats, places, and tools, but I’m bringing it here to my personal site, because I am in a 2020 period of complete unknown (wouldn’t you think this year would be about perfect vision already?), I thought i might need to paint a picture for myself. I’m writing and organizing and posting just for me, so if someone sees this who has seen it before, just ignore it.
The Temple of Janus in Autun, Saône-et-Loire, France.
About a month after I started working at the new job in Tucson last year, a buddy called to tell me how proud of me he was. He likened me to Andy in the Shawshank Redemption, and I didn’t mind that at all. Honestly, it made me feel a little badass. I admit, it’s easier to do anything when you’ve lost everything, but it truly did require some gumption to move here jobless, homeless, lifeless, and of a certain age.
Mostly, though, it took hope. As Andy said to Red, “…hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things…”
So, I told my friend about the moment I got my new computer at work just a few days before. A fancy Windows Surface Pro with all the fixins’. (I think they still expect something in return.) It sounds like such a small event, but I retell it here because, for some reason, this was the big confirmation I had hoped for: The gods weren't mad at me anymore.
IT Guy (who I just met this day): What do you want your computer name to be?
Me: I get to choose?
IT Guy: Yea, you do. But it has to fit with the theme. All the computers are named for planets or galaxies.
Me: Then, I’m out. I have no idea.
IT Guy: Want me to pick for you?
Me: Yes, please.
That afternoon, he returned with my fully-functioning and newly named, fancy pants computer that he had named Janus.
Me: What is Janus?
IT Guy: Look it up.
I learned that Janus is an inner satellite (whatever that means) of Saturn, also known as Saturn X (a favorite number of mine symbolizing both beginning and completion). This satellite (whatever that means) discovered in 1966 is named after the Roman god, Janus.
According to ancient religion and myth, Janus is the god of beginnings, gates, transitions, doorways, passages, and endings. He has two faces, looking to the future and to the past. He presides over the beginning and ending of conflict. He is the god of motion and transitions, especially pertaining to birth and journeys. Janus frequently symbolizes change - the progress of past to future, from one condition to another.
Me: I cannot believe you picked that name! It’s just so perfect for how I got here.
IT Guy: <shrug and a smile>
My Shawshank buddy said, “Your computer is Janus, and you're Janess. You did it, kid. You can relax.”
I don't know about all that, but I know a little: I've been scared a lot of my life. I do know why, but I don't know of what. I had to learn about my own intuition. I had to learn about Divine flow and alignment. I had to spend more time listening than fearing. I had to honor my heart, my Spirit. All these things gave hope a little more room to breathe. I'll never be optimistic (see?), but I have found my hopeful. And that really is the best of things.
If you've never seen the movie, this ending about hope might make you want to.